Kerry's Favorite Excuses

In the world of playing hooky, there are thousands and thousands of excuses you can use to get out of work. But in my experience, some just work better than others. Following are my 10 personal favorites, not only for my own use but for mankind's as well. -KS

10. Working from home
Provided you have the kind of job that allows you to do work outside the "office," this excuse not only gives you the opportunity to avoid going to work but, in some cases, makes you look like a more dutiful employee. You tell the boss that you woke up this morning with some great ideas and you wanted to get them down on paper before you forgot them. Then you call in a couple of hourse and say that you're really on a roll and don't want to lose your momentum, Or you tell the boss that the project that you're working on requires your full concentration and there are just too many distractions and interruptions at the office. You want to do the best possible work that you can, so you are going to work on it at home.

Incidentally, if the boss calls you at home and you're not there, he'll probably leave you a message asking where you are. When you call him back (after you retrieve your messages), tell him you're sorry you missed his call but you turned the phone ringer off so you could work without any interruptions. That was, after all, the whole point of not coming in to the office.

9. Water went off
There you were in the shower, all soapy wet, working your shampoo into a lather and before you could “rinse and repeat,” the water shut off. Now, soapy skin is one thing, but a head full of shampoo (or, worse yet, conditioner) is a whole different ball game. You can’t blow dry it. You certainly can’t style it. Chances are, you can’t even get a brush through it.
You really have no other choice but to wait until the water comes back on so you can rinse your hair. Unless, of course, you don’t mind going to work looking like the lead singer of a grunge band.

Tips for Playing Hooky

Okay, so you’re finally convinced of your inalienable right to skip out of work. Now, how do you do it? Well, I certainly can’t teach you everything I know about spinning a believable yarn, but I can damned sure give you some advice culled from my years of experience and observation. 

Plan ahead. Don’t wait until you have your boss on the phone or in your office to decide what excuse you are going to use. Choose an excuse and think about what you are going to say before spilling your guts. For maximum believability, try to pick one that you have actually experienced.

Act “as if.” Consider how you would feel if what you were telling your boss really happened to you. (Again, it helps if you have gone through the actual experience.) It’s not exactly convincing when you tell your boss that your grandfather died, but you sound like you just won the lottery. (Though, on second thought, if Gramps had some dough stashed away, his untimely departure might be like winning the lottery after all ... well, you get the idea.)

Anticipate questions. When you call to tell the boss that you were diagnosed with pink eye, know the symptoms, how long you will be out of work and any other questions he may ask. Likewise, if the heater in your house is broken, be prepared to tell him when the repairman is expected or how long it will take to fix.

Why Play Hooky?

I am always amazed by the reasons people give for not playing hooky from work ... "Oh, no, I have to go into work. Nobody in my office knows how to [insert task that you think the world will come to an end if it isn't done here]." Or get a load of this guy: "Gosh, I could never play hooky from work. I'd just feel too guilty." And, of course, there are the poor saps who believe that their bosses won't "let" them have the day off.  


It is to you foolish mortals that I dedicate the 

Three Commandments of Playing Hooky 

Thou shalt play hooky from work because:

1. It is polite. Sick leave and vacation are part of your benefits package; you are supposed to use them. Do you think your employer gives them to you because he thinks you’re a great person? No. He gives them to you because you earned them and he knows you are going to take them. To report to work every single day, without using any of your time off, is downright rude.

2. It keeps people employed. Just imagine what would happen if every employee came to work every day of every year. What would happen to the people who process the leave forms and keep your employment records? I’ll tell you what: They’d lose their jobs. And what about the companies who sell the leave forms your company uses? Yep, they’d go right out of business. The only way to protect the country’s economy, then, is to play hooky.

3. It is good for your health. On the outside, it may appear that people who never miss work are healthy and well-adjusted. Well, it’s like your mother always told you, you can’t judge a book by its cover. Never taking time off, they are constantly thinking about work, stressing over deadlines, worrying about presentations, trying to find a pair of socks that match or pantyhose that don’t have runs in them. They develop ulcers and irritable bowel syndrome. They have high blood pressure and migraines. Basically, they are human time bombs just waiting to explode. If only they had enough sense to take a few days off ...